THE INSPECTORS

One of the most unlikely Saturday afternoon diversions for Jenny and Susan was pretending to be rest room inspectors. Since neither had running water in their homes, the flush toilets, the convenience of hot and cold water from the lavatories, mirrors in such a place, tile on the floors, soap dispensers, toilet paper and paper towels, was still something of a miracle to them. It was a far cry from the two or three holer outhouses on their farms where yesterday’s newspaper was the only amenity. The rest rooms offered varying degrees of luxury and cleanliness and they took glee in giving each one a grade.

Susan said, “Let’s go to the bakery first.” They each got a nickel for their weekly allowance and a nickel would buy 5 kinds of penny candy. The bakery specialized in soft, snow white bread, gooey pineapple rolls and maple sticks and beautiful custom made wedding cakes which were proudly displayed as window dressing for all to admire as they passed by. Most important to Jenny and Susan was the small glass case of penny candy. As they opened the door to go inside, a little bell tinkled cheerfully overhead. After deliberating at the penny candy section for a long while, Jenny chose a package of candy cigarettes. It was fun to hold the cigarette nonchalantly between the fingers and pretend to smoke and watch the surprised looks on the faces of elderly ladies who might wag their fingers at them and shake their heads. Susan chose a pair of bright red paraffin cinnamon flavored lips that were also good for shocking people. The thick bright lips made her look strange, as if she were someone else. When she grew tired of wearing them, she could chew them like gum.

“We can come back here later,” suggested Susan, “after we’ve inspected rest rooms.”

“Safeway first,” Jenny said, ‘cause it’s closest.”

The restroom in the Safeway store was just off the little balcony sitting room, which was truly a resting place. They skipped up the stairs to the little sitting room which was furnished with three wicker chairs and a faded, dusty flowered rug. You could look out over the balcony railing at the busy store below. People looked different from here, where you could see the tops of their hats or their heads. .

“I see mother”, said Susan . Her mother shopped here, and wore a brown straw hat with bright orange paper flowers. She was just now going through the turnstile to the fresh fruit and vegetable section.

Uncle Shelby ran the adding machine. Here you didn’t even need to have a clerk wait on you, and they didn’t write out the tickets by hand. Uncle Shelby was a lean man and wore a long white apron. He was proud of his speed on the adding machine.

Though they liked the balcony sitting room, the actual toilet section with its two stools and lavatories and graffiti -covered walls wasn’t very clean and had a mixture of a urine and chemical odor. One of the the graffiti verses read, “Some come here to sit and think, but I come here to_ _ _ _ and _ _ _ _ _.”
The other read, “I just sat there broken hearted. Tried to _ _ _ _ , but only _ _ _ _ _ _. “ There were dirty words and phrases that you dared only whisper There were badly drawn pictures of unmentionable private parts. They gave this restroom a C+.

“I liked the walls, “ said Jenny. “At least it was interesting. “ She raised her eyebrows twice and they both snickered.

“Who do you think did all that writing?” wondered Susan.

“Maybe it was Sally and Patsy.” said Jenny. They didn’t like them very much and were happy to blame it on them. They had met them at community picnics over by the creek and grove just north of the county farm. Sally and Patsy were rude and “snotty.”

Their next stop was at the little closet sized place at the back of Matson’s Grocery. It was behind the sardine and peanut butter barrels. The plumbing leaked and the floor was wet and smelled of urine and feces. IT STANK! They didn’t step inside, but promptly gave it an F.

Now on to the green and white Conoco station. This restroom was their favorite. It was tiny, but brand new and shiny and clean with a smooth white tile floor. There was a floor length mirror and the fixtures gleamed. There were tissue paper stool covers that you could flush away and a liquid soap dispenser where you just pushed the button and out came creamy rose -scented soap Both the toilet paper and the paper towels were thick and soft. They spent more time in here and polished the gleaming fixtures some more with paper towels. They left it even tidier. Of course they gave it an A+.

Susan wanted to go to Uncle Lloyd’s station, so they crossed the street to the Sinclair station with the huge dinosaur sign. Uncle Lloyd didn’t actually own the Sinclair Station, which was run by George Hammond, a fat man with a big skin covered mole or wen under his right eye. Uncle Lloyd was a good mechanic and was friendly and went about his work cheerfully. Like Uncle Shelby, he was a spare man. He wore a loose gray pair of unionalls over his clothing. When he saw Jenny and Susan, he said, “Hi boys,” and made funny faces at them.

“We’re not boys,” they protested in one voice. Each thought it would be terrible to be a boy. They were rough and ornery and didn’t get to wear pretty clothing.

Even though the rest room inside the Sinclair barely passed, they gave it a B- because they liked Uncle Lloyd so much.

Jenny said, “We still each have 4 pennies left. “

So it was back to the bakery. A penny would buy a large tootsie roll wrapped in brown and white paper and scored into segments so that you could bite off a piece. It would be chocolate and chewy. Susan said they should save these for last. Each got a tootsie roll, then Susan chose a big yellow lemon-flavored ball of an all day sucker on a stick and a tiny miniature packet of Chiclets gum and and a stick of peppermint candy. Jenny got a red, cherry-flavored all day sucker, a set of cute miniature paraffin milk bottles filled with sweet, bright colored syrups. She also got one stick of Juicy Fruit gum. They were content with their penny candy and walked along, savoring it as they looked in stores until it was time to go home.

They decided that next week they would go for a long walk and visit the court house.